SUMMER JOBS... A no go..lol

I was doing my daily pick me up of checking out the fucked up lives of others on fmylife.com ... and theres seems to be a little theme this week.. As summer approaches, and students from high school to graduate students, are in the search of a job.. the constant let down is starting to make its way to puclib notice.. now luckily, I had a connect or else I might havta be on board with ya'll on this crazy train, tryna to find a job amist a slow rise from a recession.. thankfully I'm not but to those of you who are.. you're not alone:

Today, I was desperately handing out resumes. I came to my local grocery store and asked for a job application, the customer service rep told me all she needed was my resume. I smiled and gave it to her only to see her read it, laugh and put it straight in the garbage as I walked out. FML

Today, I had a phone interview with my potential new boss. I was getting excited about the prospects of landing a great job. I had nailed every question the man asked me and right after he told me he'll call me tomorrow if he wants me to come in I sweetly said, "Talk to you tomorrow, Love you" FML

Today, I decided to modify my resume since I've handed out over 30 of them in the past couple of weeks and I haven't gotten any calls back. As soon as I opened it on word document, I noticed that I had forgotten to include my phone number for employers to contact me. FML

Dont Fuck Wit It. lol

Im sitting here.. in the process of studying for an Accounting Test... I have planned to be in front of the book all night.. then I see this on twitter from Nick PapaSquat himself : ThatMrWrongDude:With Jay-z!!!! Hahahaha! Omg! Dream come true!!!

after multiple twits of dickeating proportions, this nigga had to rub it in..

Jay-Z performing.. backstage of course..

my first official feeling of fmylife.. LMAO
LA- 8 days.

He Who Laughs In The Face Of A Recession

Today, Goldman Sachs reported a profit of 1.8 billion dollars. And my bills are late.. Fuck my life..

CEO of Goldman Sachs-Lloyd Blankfein

sidenote: last quarter was the only time Goldman Sachs has ever reported a loss since being created in 1999.. dont call it a comebak. fucking bastards. lol

Fuck Your Easter

Today, for Easter my brother & sister both got $200 gifts from my parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. FML

Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years having sex with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!!". April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

s

MyHouse Shit

For all the times people out there got turned around by the bouncers at clubs.. Fmylife of the day:

Today, bouncing at a local bar. I I.D.'d a girl with a group of people. I told her that next time she used a fake I.D., she at least should get one with a picture that looked like her. She started crying and ran off. A guy told me that she had been in a car wreck, and had been badly disfigured. FML


The doors to MYHOUSE on La Brea.. they steady shutting niggas ID's down.. no mercy, infront of everyone.. lmao.. i'm straight thanx to Twon and Dnasty.

Learn From Others Mistakes

1. Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting off an old man whistled at me, I told him to go to hell and got off the bus. When the bus drove away the old man stood in the back of the bus, holding up the wallet I left that he was trying to give to me. FML


2. Don't Fuck Your Boss

Today, when I walked into work all of my co-workers were giggling and asking "How was YOUR night last night?". Last night I had sex for the first time with someone I'm seeing secretly (with good reason). That person is my boss. He told everyone. FML


3. Don't Be This Guy

Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML

4. Don't Be That Hypebeasting Ass Nigga That Stay's With Kick's In His Car

Today, I had my car stolen. When the police found it, pretty much everything inside was missing. For some reason, I had left 6 pairs of shoes in my back seat. Whoever stole my car thought it would be funny to take one shoe from each pair. I now own 6 unmatched shoes and my car smells like sex. FML

5. Don't Take Anyone's Piss In My Family

Today, my mom suspected me of doing marijuana. She went and bought a home-drug test and sent me to the bathroom. As I went in, I realized there was already pee in the toilet. I scooped that instead of my own and handed it to my mom. It came up positive. My sister used the bathroom last. She's 12. FML


All this thanks to Fmylife.com .. daily pick me uppers! haha